Largest Collection of Funny Birthday Wishes Quotes.
Funny Birthday Wishes: Looking for Best Funny Birthday Wishes, We are providing Largest Collection of Short Funny Birthday Wishes. I hope you liked this Funny birthday wishes collection. You will get all the Latest and updated collection of Best Funny Birthday Wishes Messages. Choose your favorite Funny Birthday Wishes and share. You would just like these Birthday Wishes quotes once you read all through this. So Friends, Share this Funny Birthday Wishes in Hindi on Facebook and Whatsapp. Keep Visit and enjoy New Funny Birthday Wishes Collection. New Funny Birthday Wishes 2018, Best Funny Birthday Wishes, Latest Funny Birthday Wishes.
Happy birthday! I’m just here for some cake.
Happy birthday! Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.
Happy birthday. I’m so sorry you’ve reached an age where pop culture marketers are no longer targeting you.
It’s a special day – your birthday! Let’s go out and celebrate you being one year closer to removing your age from your Facebook profile.
Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.
I wish you a very happy birthday! Just please remember to tell me how old you’re pretending to be, so we can keep up the charade.
Happy birthday to a person whose age now makes them cry even more than the day they came into this world.
Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.
I’m so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn’t think you would live this long. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I sincerely hope that you don’t take this early birthday message as a sign that you might not make it.
Wishes may come and go, but age always sticks with you. Happy birthday!
I believe you forgot my birthday present last year. I’m returning the favor this year. I’m afraid a Happy Birthday is all you’re going to get.
Happy summer birthday! Get out and enjoy it while you’re still young enough to not fall into the “high risk” category for heat stroke death.
Happy birthday! You’re how old? Oh man – that’s like, dead in dog years.
I would be so much more into your birthday if it were my birthday.
You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the anniversary of your clever escape from the womb.
As you get older, there are three important things that happen. First, you lose your mind. I can’t remember the other two. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Remember this today: if you lick all the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin – and muffins are healthy.
Happy birthday! After seeing all the candles on your cake, I seriously hope that you topped off your fire insurance.
Happy birthday to the one person I hope is still around when the iPhone 547 comes out.
A “few” years ago, you were smart, handsome and young. Today, you’re just an old fart. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! May the number of candles outnumber your gray hairs.
Happy birthday! Want to feel young and thin again? Let’s go hang out with a bunch of old and fat people.
Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when you never walk past a bathroom without saying “well, I’m here already – I may as well pee.”
You know what they say: it’s better to be over the hill than buried 6 feet underneath it. Happy birthday!
On your birthday I’m going to share the secret to staying young: lying about your age.
Smile – today is your birthday. Be happy and remember that things could be worse. Just think about what you’ll be like in ten years – yikes!
Happy birthday! Congrats on joining the 28-years-old-forever club. We have millions of members all over the world.
Forgetting your birthday was merely an April Fool’s Joke. Unless, of course, I did remember it, in which case – please disregard this message. Happy birthday!
Congratulations on finally reaching the snapdragon phase of your life: one part of you has snapped, and the other part of you is dragging. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! They say that age is just a number. Yea right – and jail is just a room
Don’t be bummed about your birthday! You know what they say: it’s better to be a year older than to be one month late. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Today, I would advise you to be nice to your kids. Remember, the older you get, the closer you get to having them choose a nursing home.
Wait – you’re how old today? You’re so lucky you’re not a dog. They would have put you down by now. Oh, well! Happy birthday!
Congratulations! You only look one year older than you did on your last birthda
Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, people start wondering if you’re the walking dead.
Here’s to you on your birthday! May you live to be so old, you sincerely wish you were dead.
Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, handicapped stalls become a necessity and not just a spacious place to do your business.
I hope that you live to be so old, your family members talk about you like you’re not even there. Happy birthday!
Hey – don’t stress about getting older. You’re still young enough to be a professional curler, and that’s saying something. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I would have bought you a present, but I didn’t think you wanted me to take money out of the alcohol budget.
Sending birthday wishes to someone who can still pass for a non-embarrassing age.
May you live long enough to be the direct cause of a Silver Alert. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to someone I truly hope is not having a mid-life crisis.
Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes is way too old to go snowboarding or surfing.
Congratulations! You’re now so old, you’ll need performance-enhancing drugs just to ride a stationary bike. Happy birthday!
Wishing a happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have sent out birthday wishes on MySpace.
Happy birthday to someone who is almost old enough to die from the flu.
Happy birthday to a person so old, they use their smartphone to make an actual phone call.
Here’s to a special birthday! May you get so intoxicated, you forget how old you’re getting.
I hope your birthday is at least half as exciting as you portray it on Facebook and Instagram. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! You’ve now reached an age where it’s no longer appropriate to claim you’re 29.
Happy birthday to the one person whose agelessness is incredibly irritating.
Happy birthday and congratulations on becoming that “old, weird” person at summer music festivals.
It’s your birthday – let’s over-celebrate!
Happy birthday, girl. I remember a time when you weren’t so disturbingly old.
Happy birthday to you – and your newest chin.
Hey there! Happy birthday! I was going to bake you a delicious rum cake, but I decided to go with a regular cake. Also, I’m really drunk.
Happy birthday to someone who thought they would have it all together by the time they reached this age.
You look great birthday girl – considering your age. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone how old you really are.
They say that wisdom comes with age. That’s why you’re the wisest person I know. Happy birthday!
On your birthday, we ask that you kindly act your age – not your shoe size. Thanks!
Happy birthday! This is the oldest I’ve ever seen you. Just wait until next year.
Happy belated birthday! I didn’t forget your birthday – I just forgot yesterday’s date!
Wishing a happy birthday to someone who should probably start worrying about what the government is saying about Medicare.
I know you received so many birthday wishes yesterday, but who’s here with you today? That’s right! Me.
Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.
You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body. Happy birthday!
Experts say that people lose their minds when they get old. What they forget to mention is that you really won’t miss it. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! You know you’re old when the candles start costing more than the cake.
On your birthday, I want you to remember that you are only as old as you feel. But you’ll still always be older than me. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday. It’s official – you can now begin your quarter-life crisis.
It’s your birthday today, and I’m once again reminded how old I’m getting. Oh well – enjoy your day!
Today, you turn 29! I promise to stop counting the years after this one. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have had a Blockbuster card.
I hope that your birthday is the best it can possibly be for someone who can barely function in society.
Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.
Happy birthday, babe! We’re such a great match because you hate celebrating your birthday, and I’m just too darn lazy to plan anything.
Happy birthday to someone we’ll never have to say “died too young”.
Happy birthday! It’s great to be healthy, young and filled with so much energy. Can you even remember what that was like?
Alright, you can light the candles on your birthday cake now. I’ve alerted the fire department. Happy birthday!
You’re at that age where you’re old enough to know better, but you’re still young enough to do it anyway. Happy birthday and enjoy!
Today, it’s important to smile and laugh as much as you can. You don’t know how much longer you’ll have teeth! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I wish you many more candles, and for a cake that’s big enough to fit them all.
You’re so special, your birthday should be a national holiday. I would be happy to volunteer as the first person to take a day off of work in your honor. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Never let anyone tell you that you’re old – especially if you can actually hear them say it without even having to read their lips.
Happy birthday! Today, we add another candle to your cake, and your doctor will add another prescription to your arsenal of medication.
It’s normal to ponder your life’s purpose and to have a personal crisis on your birthday. At least you get to be normal one day out of the year. Happy birthday!
On your birthday, I want you to remember that it’s not this day that makes you old; it’s the 364 other days in the year. Happy birthday!
Just this morning I was wishing that you were one year older today. Look at that – my wish came true! Happy birthday!
On your birthday, I wish you enough air to blow out all of your candles. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Let’s make a deal – I’ll keep the presents, and you keep the age and cake. Come on! It’s a good deal.
Happy, happy birthday! I hope you enjoy those senior citizen discounts. You truly do deserve the
Don’t be depressed about getting old. It sure beats the alternative. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to a person that is smart, funny, witty, attractive and reminds me a lot of myself. 🙂
You know you’re getting old when the only thing you want on your birthday is not to be reminded of it. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! No, you’re not getting older. You’re just collecting wrinkles.
Happy birthday! I got you a pair of sunglasses this year, so you can protect your eyes from the blinding light of all these candles.
Happy birthday! Not sure if you’re old yet? If you need the kids to help you blow out the candles, you’re definitely over the hill.
It’s your birthday – a time for celebration. You’ve now reached an age where you can use the candles on your cake to light up your entire home. Happy birthday!
As people get older, they gain the respect of the people around them. I just wanted to let you know that today, on your birthday, I have all the respect in the world for you.
I hope your birthday’s a great one! Just stay away from the karaoke machine, and everyone will have a good time.
At your age, there’s nothing funny about birthdays. So let’s share a drink and celebrate the times when you were a young spring chicken! Happy birthday!
Congratulations! There are so many candles on your birthday cake – NASA can see it from space.
Happy birthday! Today is the perfect day to forget all about your cares – and the fact that I didn’t get you a birthday gift.
When your birthdays start coming more often than you do, you know you have something to worry about. Happy birthday!
If I were you, I’d be concerned about my birthday. This year, you’ll probably need a flame thrower to light all of those candles. Happy birthday! Stay safe.
Birthdays are really a double-edged sword. Sure, they bring parties and good times. But they also bring wrinkles and saggy bits. Happy birthday!
Time may be a wonderful healer, but it’s a terrible beautician. Oh well! Happy birthday.
Sending you lots of love and laughter on your birthday. Just don’t try too hard to blow out your birthday candles this year. You may lose your dentures!
Happy birthday! Counting your wrinkles is like trying to count the stars in the sky.
Happy birthday to someone I’m happy to share a cake with! Too bad you won’t be having any.
Wishing a happy birthday to someone I can only assume was still around when America relied on bayonets and horses.
Happy birthday! Just 364 more days until you have to endure another barrage of birthday wishes.
Happy birthday. You know, it would be a whole lot easier to get you the perfect gift if you’d just buy one yourself.
Happy birthday to a rare breed of person that was delivered into this world without a status or update or tweet.
Wishing you a very happy birthday. You don’t look a day over whatever age you were just a few years ago.
Happy birthday! Let’s go see Jurassic World. It’ll make you feel less like a dinosaur.
I was going to send you a paper card, but my Internet connection came back just in time for me to send you his message.
Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.
Happy birthday! We’re so glad we can count you among the living for another year.
Happy birthday weekend! You’re so lucky that you don’t have to endure an office birthday party.
Happy birthday to someone who’s age has finally surpassed their number of Twitter followers.
I’m sending this birthday wish to someone who is now too old to sit through a whole movie without having to get up to use the bathroom.
I hope your birthday is filled with happiness and joy. Oh, you’re spending it with your family? I’m sorry -truly.
For your birthday this year, I’m going to give you a piece of paper that might be worth $450 million – but is probably really worth nothing.
Happy birthday to someone who is so old and lonely, they could be the subject of a spooky Halloween ghost story.
Look, if you want me to remember your birthday, you’re going to have to start looking older. Happy birthday!
I really tried to send you something amazing for your birthday, but I couldn’t fit in any of the boxes at the post office. Happy birthday!
You may not be getting any younger, but at least you’re still younger than me. Happy birthday!
Since today’s your birthday, I’ll do you the favor of not telling everyone about your childhood pranks. Have a great birthday! Cheers!
Congratulations on another trip around the sun!
I hope you get everything you deserve. Or maybe something you actually want instead. Happy Birthday!
You are lucky I made all the mistakes for you first, dear sister. Celebrate the beautiful & funny birthday with special wishes!
You and I both know that you’ve been a brat since we were kids, but I’m not going to mention that today. Happy birthday, dear sister.
It’s your birthday and I think it’s the right time to remind you that my birthday is closing too. Happy birthday.
Dear sister, do you know that with age, wisdom comes? That’s why I believe you are one of the wisest people. 🙂
I never make any joke that is related to age. Because I know it hurts someone like you. 🙂
Dear sister, you have been both a joy and a pain in my life, though I think perhaps a greater joy. You know what I’m saying. Happy Birthday!
Hey! Happy 21st, Hah! You wish!
Congratulations on your birthday cousin! From here on out, all compliments will be followed by the phrase “for your age”. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Dear cousin, here’s a piece of advice: Keep telling everyone that you’re 18 with a few decades of experience.
What’s the one thing that goes up, but never comes down? Your age! Happy birthday, cousin! Try to enjoy it.
Happy birthday cousin! At your age, “getting lucky” means being able to find your car in a parking lot.
Look, you’re really going to need the lungs of Hercules if you want to blow those candles out. Let me help you cousin. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday dear cousin! I know exactly what I’m going to get you next year: a bigger cake to fit all of those candles.
Congratulations on reaching an age where your back goes out more often than you do. Happy birthday, cousin!
Sending you best wishes on your 21st time having a 29th birthday! May you continue to enjoy your 20s, dear cousin!
Just like a fine wine, we all get better with age. Okay, technically, we just feel better about our age when we drink lots of wine. Happy birthday, cousin!
They say that only the good die young. You must be one evil person cousin, Happy birthday!
I hope your birthday cake is sugar-free. You know, you really have to start caring about these things at your age, cousin. Have a happy birthday!
Happy birthday cousin! May you live to be so old that you frighten small children unintentionally.
On this special day, I ask that you make yourself a promise to do all that you can in life. After all, your time is quickly running out. Happy birthday dear cousin!
Happy birthday cousin! To forget about how old you’re getting, let’s drink enough to subtract an entire year off your life.
Whenever I hear the word “youth,” I always think of you cousin. And that’s because the word “you” is in “youth”. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Although I’m really not sure why we’re celebrating a day when your mother was the one who did all the work.
At your age, you should be in the Book of Old Records. And to think, you always believed you would never amount to anything. Happy birthday, cousin!
Birthdays are a lot like boogers – it gets harder to breathe the more you have. Happy birthday, cousin!
You are such a sweet, polite, honest and witty person. I hope you accept my birthday wishes and these white lies today!
I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but your wheelchair will be arriving tomorrow. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that you don’t look old. That’s what your relatives are for.
I know you really want to turn back the clock, but with the number of years you’ve racked up, I’m really not sure that’s even possible. Happy birthday anyway!
Happy birthday! I hope you don’t mind, but I re-wrapped the gift you gave me last year. You’re going to love it!
Happy birthday to someone who is officially so old, it’s creepy to watch teenage vampire movies.
I wanted to wish you a happy birthday today and let you know that I truly do look forward to honoring your request of not getting you a gift this year.
Happy birthday! I just wanted to let you know that I picked out your coffin on the way here.
Congrats – you’re officially too old to go to rock concerts. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday. By the time you reach the next “new 40”, you’ll already be dead.
Hey, happy 29th birthday – again. For the 20th
Now you know you’re getting old when you can’t even remember how old you are. Happy birthday!
I had plans to put an awesome, gorgeous present in your cake, but honestly, I didn’t want to get frosting in my hair. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I would bake you a cake if I knew how to use an oven.
It’s your birthday! You shouldn’t stop yourself from getting ridiculously intoxicated just because it’s a Monday.
I hate being fat, but I love eating food. Where is your birthday cake dear brother???
I know that I’ve been a role model to you for your entire life, so on your birthday I just want to say, “You’re welcome.” Happy Birthday, brother!
For your birthday, I’m going to treat you like you’ve always treated me. Just think about that for a second. Happy Birthday!
You might get all the responsibility for being the older brother, but you have no idea how hard it is to be the favorite of the family. Happy Birthday!
Don’t worry, big brother, age is only a number. Although, in your case, it’s a very, very, very, very big number! Happy birthday!
Being younger than you hasn’t always been easy, but I have to say there’s nothing more satisfying than beating you in literally anything. Happy Birthday!
Just for today, dear brother, I promise not to share anything embarrassing about you on social media. You’re welcome. Happy Birthday!
Age before beauty, brother. Age before beauty. Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday to you! You belong in the zoo! I asked the rhinoceros and he recognized you! Happy birthday, big brother!
Let me honor you with a joke: Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it. Happy Birthday, Bro!
Happy birthday to the man who first taught me how to put underpants on my head. I’m looking forward to many more lessons from you in the future.
There’s no place I’d rather be than in your shadow. Happy Birthday to the shadow-iest older brother in the world!
Happy birthday, big brother! To celebrate, why don’t we go shopping? I can’t wait to take advantage of your seniors’ discount!
Happy Birthday brother! Thanks for doing everything wrong first.
I have one for your birthday: Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! Happy Birthday bro 🙂
You are such a special younger sister, I don’t know who I would tease without You. My best blessings & funny birthday wishes with love!
I’m going to stop sending you makeup . . . time to accept you as you are, beautiful wrinkles and all! Happy Birthday!
I used to have a sweet, little sister. Now I have you. Happy Birthday! 🙂
Dear sister! On your Birthday, I am not going to tell you how you look because I don’t want to spoil your appetite for your favorite birthday cake.
Dear sister, please accept my congratulations for reaching the 15th anniversary of your 20th birthday.
This is my birthday wish for a sister who doesn’t want to hear that it’s her 35th birthday! LOL!
Oh, younger sister. If you keep on working hard, one day you may end up being like me. Keep trying! Happy Birthday!
You’re such a special sister. I don’t know who I would tease without you. Happy Birthday!
Sister! Sister! Sister! Sister! Sis! Sis! Sis! Sis! Did I get your attention yet? It’s your birthday! Have an incredible day! 🙂
You were born! Good job! 🙂
Knock knock. Who’s there? Happy. Happy who? Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday sis! One day I’ll repay you for all the headaches you’ve given me, but I’ll start that project tomorrow. 🙂
Thank you for letting me pick on you all these years. It’s been really important for me. Happy Birthday!
My Dear Sister, You are Mom’s Second Favorite Child… Guess Who is No. #1… My special funny birthday wishes to you!
Though there were only three witches in Macbeth, I think the fourth one is reading these words. Happy birthday, sister!
Dear Sister you are so sweet, lovely and annoying. Wait, don’t be angry! I was just trying to make my wishes funny Happy birthday dear sister!
Barpy napfday! (I thought you’d probably already heard Happy Birthday enough and wanted something different).
My sister, may your birthday remind you that this is probably a good time to stop looking in the mirror Have a happy and funny birthday!
I just want to say happy birthday and no, you can’t borrow that shirt. 🙂
Happy birthday cousin! I’m so sorry you’ve reached an age where you have to actually start lying about your age.
Happy birthday! I hope your age is as irrelevant to you as your birthday is to most people on Facebook, my dear cousin.
Well, that’s one more year of existence down the tubes. Happy birthday! Here’s to another year, cousin!
Happy birthday to someone whose party I won’t try to sneak out of early. Have a nice day cousin!
Happy birthday! They say that growing old is truly an art. You, my friend, must be a Picasso or a Rembrandt.
Happy birthday, friend. Those aren’t gray hairs. Those are the marks of wisdom.
Happy birthday, friend! Remember, you’re only young once, but you can be immature for the rest of your lifetime.
Do you ever wonder why old men wear sandals and black socks? You, my friend, are one year closer to finding out. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to a great friend! The wonderful thing about finally being over the hill is that you pick up speed.
Happy birthday, friend! I searched far and wide to find you the perfect present. Then I realized, having me as a friend is the best present anyone could ever ask for.
Happy birthday to a friend I’m pretty sure I would jump in front of a couple trains for.
Happy birthday, friend! This is truly a special day. I never thought you’d live to see 30!
Happy birthday, friend! I don’t care how old you are, you better have a bouncy castle at your birthday party.
Happy birthday, friend. You really would have loved the gift I never bothered to send you.
Happy birthday, friend! You only get better with age – and your ability to hide how old you really are.
Happy birthday to my best friend! I will always be there for you – unless you want to jump out of a plane with only one parachute. I probably won’t be there for you then.
Good friends will never let you forget your age, but nobody rubs it in like I do.
Happy birthday, my friend! I can’t believe it’s already been a year since the last time I didn’t buy you anything for your birthday.
Happy birthday, friend. At your age, it’s important to live large. Let’s start with large print.
Congratulations, friend! You’re one year closer to getting a senior citizen’s discount at the movies. Happy birthday!
As a close friend, I promise to celebrate your 29th birthday for as many years as you can get away with it.
Happy birthday, friend. I won’t make any age-related jokes today. Frankly, I feel really bad about how old you are.
My dear friend another year has gone, but unfortunately that doesn’t mean you’ve become any wiser.
Happy Birthday to my wild and crazy friend. Thanks for keeping all of the adults busy with your antics when we were kids so that I never was punished!
Don’t worry about getting so old. I will have the fire extinguisher ready in case your birthday cake gets out of control. Love you, my ancient friend!
A true friend always remembers your birth date not how old you are becoming. But believe me, I can remember both of them. I feel so special for this.
It is not necessary to tell a best friend that they are the closest, best friend. So, I am not telling you. Enjoy your birthday.
It is the duty of a true friend to make you remember, “Old is gold, my friend!”
You are such a sweet and beautiful sister. No really, I’m not joking. And I’m not trying to make you feel better about your age. Okay, maybe a little bit. Happy Birthday!
Remember all those times we fought over who got to ride shotgun? Hahahahaha I’m laughing about them right now. Also, SHOTGUN FOR LIFE no rips! Happy Birthday!
On your birthday, I just want to say I’m sorry for all the times in the past that I teased you, and ask for forgiveness for all the times I’m going to tease you in the future. 🙂
For your birthday, I decided to get you some practical gifts. Now, I know you might think the toupee is a little bit over top but, seriously, it won’t be long now, big brother!
Happy birthday cousin! Seeing as I’m older than you, it’s not a surprise that I can’t remember your age. Frankly, I’m surprised I even remembered your birthday.
On your birthday, I hope you choose not to resist temptation. The older you get, the more temptation starts avoiding you, so enjoy the sweeter things in life while you still can. Happy birthday!
On your birthday, remember this: age is only a number that represents how attractive, happy and able-bodied you are. Really, it’s nothing to get worked up over. Happy birthday!
Birthdays are nothing more than nature’s way of telling us to sit down and eat more cake! I’m so glad that today is your birthday, and I can eat – I mean, share – your cake.
You know, when you think about it – a belated birthday wish is really just an extremely early birthday wish for next year. So technically, I’m already covered for next year. Happy birthday!
I try to give people birthday cards that match their age. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get my hands on a stone tablet or some ancient papyrus. This modern greeting will have to do. Happy birthday!
You know, you’re a really hard person to buy gifts for. After searching far and wide, I realized that there’s no greater gift than my presence. That’s my present to you – my presence. Get it? Happy birthday!
I can’t help but smile when I think of you and all the hells you put me through as a kid. They weren’t funny to me then, but now I know you only did it because you loved me. Right? Happy Birthday!
Remember all those silly fights we had growing up? Haha, I’m laughing about them now but seriously, did you steal my legos that one time. That was NOT COOL. Happy Birthday!
Do you know why I hate birthday greetings? Because I always have to tell a bunch of lies. Oh by the way, “Dear brother, you are so sweet. You are the sweetest man I have ever met.” Happy Birthday!
I got you the usual for your birthday this year, big brother. You know, the whiskey, gin, rum and vodka. I hope it’s enough to keep away the voices again this year. And you know I won’t tell anyone.
For your birthday, I got you three wishes from a magical genie! Unfortunately, I accidentally ended up using all your wishes. So . . . sorry about that. But it’s the thought that counts, right?
You are my brother, my older brother! As you start aging, your hair turns gray. You’ll try to dye it, but that won’t do it, as every follicle starts to fall away! Happy birthday. Enjoy what little hair you have left!
Happy Birthday, brother! You’ve successfully stayed alive for another year, and believe me, a lot of us (I’m not going to say who) were wondering if you were really going to make it. But not me. I always believed in you.
You are the best man on earth and such a perfect brother. Though I have to say that today I’m glad we’re not in the same place because I know you like to hit me. Happy Birthday to my bully of a brother!
Happy birthday, old man! You know, when I turned two, I panicked because in one year, I doubled my age. I thought, if I keep going this way, I’ll be 64 by the time I turn 5. Thank goodness things don’t work this way.
Listen, I hate to be the one to do this, but you need to get your birthday habit under control. It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will, in fact, kill you. So give it a rest will you?
You know you’ve reached the old age when you back your car into the neighbor’s swimming pool from across the street and still believe that it was the car’s fault. You’re not quite there yet, but you’re close. Happy birthday!
Even though you’re far away, you will always be close to my heart. No really, I think you’ve emotionally scarred me. Still, happy birthday! And I hope to see you soon.
Happy birthday, friend. I truly love celebrating your birthday with you. You know why? Your cakes are always extra big to fit all of those candles. In my book, more cake is always a good thing.
Wishing a happy birthday to someone who is wiser, more mature and could care less about material things. That’s why I know you won’t be upset about my lack of a birthday present.
It’s your birthday, so you’re free to cry if you want to. But please don’t. That wouldn’t be much fun for the rest of us. We’d rather you have a few drinks and do something stupid and indecent. Happy birthday!
I’ve learned so much from you over the years, like how to get away with staying out late, how to make mom and dad mad, and how to tell on your siblings. I can’t wait to see what you teach me this year! Happy Birthday.
Dear older brother, I asked Mom and Dad to tell me about the day you were born. Know what they said? They can’t remember that far back! I guess that means you’re ancient. Happy birthday, old guy!
Happy birthday cousin! I know it’s tempting to reflect back on your life on this special day, but please refrain from doing so. At your age, that would take a really long time.
Despite all our arguments (that I won) and all our misunderstandings (that I was right) you know that you are one the most beloved persons in my life. Awesome Birthday, Bro!
One of my favorite memories of our schooldays, big brother, was learning about the Dark Ages. I learned so much that year because I had someone who lived through it to tell me firsthand stories. Thanks for being such a great history teacher! Happy birthday!
Two older men sit on a park bench. One says, “Joe, I’m 84 years old, and I have nothing but aches and pains. How do you feel?” Joe says, “I feel like a newborn babe!” “Really, a newborn babe?” “Yes! I have no teeth, no hair, and I think I might’ve wet my pants!” Happy birthday!
I have some good news and some bad news on your birthday. The good news is that you’re one year older and so much wiser. The bad news? The hangover isn’t going to be any better this year, so please make the most of it! Happy birthday!